Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
