I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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