I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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