I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
