Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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