I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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