so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize