just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
