You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
