My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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