Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
