Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
