scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
