I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
