dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
