Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
