She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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