I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
