3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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