haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
