My balls are so social today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
