no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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