Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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