For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
