my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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