Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she told me i tasted like america
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
