turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
