i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
