Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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