hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
