I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
