Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize