Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
