Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
