It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
