Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize