He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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