my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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