omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
where are my eyebrows?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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