Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
