just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
