No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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