I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
