I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
