; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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