She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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