Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
