You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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