Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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