Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
