If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
