Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
