one might say we're banned from that church
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
