sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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