ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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