I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
