I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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