I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
