I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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