you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
