i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i will never coherently bang her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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