i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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