that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
