my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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