John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
