I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
