my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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