I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize