How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
