Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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