so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
