Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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