careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
