I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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