He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this hospital has no fireball
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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